Let's not be like Bee

I come from a small family.  Not small in numbers, but everyone is fairly thin.  I'm one of the tallest females, although I'm only 5'5.  I'm definitely one of the the biggest females. When I stand next to my skinny beautiful cousins and my tiny little aunts, it can be incredibly awkward.  At least, it's awkward for me. My family loves me no matter how I look.

But, despite my out of control obesity, my mom's cousin Bee is actually bigger than me.  In fact, she's probably twice my size.  The last time I had seen her, she was well over 500lbs, and from what we've been told, she's gained more because she will hit up several fast food restaurants and get a couple of burgers or tacos or whatever from each and eat it all.  And I get it.  I, too, used to do the same thing.  Only I purged it out because that's how I dealt with my unhappiness.  She just eats more.  I suspect it's because she might be lonely, but unfortunately she's got kind of a bad attitude.  You know the type.  She's even told people not to bother coming to her house unless they come over to clean it.

We discovered a few days ago that Bee's health is definitely going downhill quickly.  For the past couple of years she's used a walker. I think the last time I saw her, which was probably 3 or 4 years ago, she had a cane.  Now it's getting harder and harder for her to get around.  She's diabetic.  Worse than that, she needs a heart bypass surgery.  Even worse than that? She's refused to get it.

Basically, she's decided to die.

Since there's not really much anyone can do for her now, the family has decided to turn their eyes on me since I'm the next biggest.  They're worried. They pray. They ask about me. And as sweet as that is, it makes me feel bad.  I don't want to be a worry to anyone, ever, and the fact that I'm causing my family any kind of worry does really really bother me.

So, I have to fix it.

I have been thinking for a while about rejoining my old gym.  I know that exercise is really going to have to be the key here because I don't eat badly.  I just don't move enough. Not even nearly enough.

After my doctor's visit this past week [and yes, my weight was totally brought up] my mom called me the next day and told me that she and my dad had been talking, and if I wanted, they would pay for me to rejoin the gym AND pay for any new workout clothing I'd need.

Well.  Twist my arm a little harder, I guess?

I registered today on the website and I'm planning on getting up early tomorrow to go.

I feel like I should be more nervous about going back, or even sad because I know for a fact that there is no way in blue hell that I will be able to do the workouts I used to do. [Yet, anyway.]   But I'm not.  I'm happy.  I'm happy to have somewhere to go, and to know that I'm finally going to do what needs to be done to start getting healthier again.