A Brief Freedom From Fat And Other Stuff

Yeah, I know. I haven't been here in a while. We'll skip the obligatory "This is why I wasn't here" stuff because I'm here now and that's what counts.


So sometimes I forget I'm fat.

No, no. Not in the "Hell yeah, everyone's looking at me because I look damn good with my four foot wide ass in these booty shorts." Trust me. I'll never be THAT girl.

Some mornings in that little dreamy spot between asleep and awake, I'm not fat. I make plans to leap out of bed, dance around the bedroom, paint my toenails, go for a run, do some shopping therapy for new dresses at Old Navy, bounce around the house and clean it... all of those things.

But when you're very overweight, those are just plans you have most of the time. You don't bounce or leap. Your knees and ankles wouldn't have it. You don't always dance around because you're tired. Cheap shopping therapy is out unless you want accessories because nothing really fits. You drag yourself out of bed and do the minimum of what you need to do because doing more can make you more tired, or hurt you.

I'm not looking for pity. Oh believe me, I realize that I've mostly done this to myself. Yeah, I do have some issues that makes weight loss really hard [let's face it, I worked out at the gym, had weekly personal training sessions, and ate right for a year and only lost 10 pounds in the altogether], but I'm not dumb enough to put all of the responsibility on a few health issues when I know very well that I sit too much and eat crap sometimes.

Today, though, I didn't think about being fat. Not really.

A few days ago, one of my Facebook friends posted a little article about magnesium deficiency. She's a registered nurse, but is "medium crunchy" in that she posts things about how to make yourself feel better naturally if possible rather than immediately going the pharmaceutical route.

I read the article. Then I read it again. A lot of it clicked with me. The insomnia, the irritability, the depression. I hadn't told anyone, but I honestly haven't been doing so great in the past few months. I haven't been sad all of the time, but I haven't been happy iether. I've mostly just been numb when I'm not angry. Then I headed to Google and on Wellness Mama's blog, she discussed it more in depth.

And I was shocked.

Out of the list of 26 symptoms that you might have if you are magnesium deficient, I had 19.

On her page, she mentioned the product Natural Calm. I skipped over to Amazon and took a look at the reviews. Out of just over 800 reviews, 600+ people gave five stars! I looked up several other review sites online for the product and the reviews were all just glowing. I really really wanted to get some! Luckily for me, our local Sprouts carries it and for $5 less than on Amazon.

I'll admit, though. I was a skeptic. I didn't think it would work. I mean, c'mon. I have all these issues! They can't be just related to me needing magnesium. A simple fix like this? No way. Nuh uh. Maybe it works for other people but it won't work for me.

But I tried it anyway. After all, why not? Then I would be able to say that I tried and it wasn't that so something else is making me crazy and sick.

I followed some of what other reviewers said to do. Just 1/4 of a teaspoon in some warm water at night. Magnesium is a laxative if taken in a bigger amount [think Milk of Magnesia] so I didn't want a big blow out or anything.

The first night I did it, I slept like a baby. I woke up and I didn't feel like I wanted to kill someone right away.

That night, I made my little mixture and went to bed. When I woke up, I didn't actively feel like death.

Last night, I took my little mixture. I had trouble falling asleep because of the coffee I'd had at 8pm but still, when I got to sleep, I slept well.

Today I was able to forget about my fat for a while. I cleaned the kitchen a bit, and the living room. I vacuumed. I cleaned out my cat's litter box and scrubbed her water dispenser and her food dish. I sang and danced all afternoon in the house. I opened all the curtains to let the sunshine in. I didn't even think about food. I felt good. I felt happy. I didn't feel like this massive, depressed, overly anxious, superfat person that I've felt like for months. I mostly felt like me again.

Of course, tonight I'm paying a bit for my little "Fat freedom." My feet hurt and my body is tired. But it's good, you know? It feels good.

I'll keep taking my Natural Calm. I'll keep seeing if there's some kind of improvement. If this was one of the fixes that I needed in my life, $20 is an awfully small price to pay for it.

And it hasn't given me the runs. So you know...there's that.

Day 4 - Independence Dayyyyy

Happy 4th, to my American readers! [Well, assuming I have any... I'm not actually sure at this point.]

My boyfriend headed off to shoot fireworks with his friends who live in the country, so I took full advantage of our quiet house to recharge my mental batteries. I'm an introvert and sometimes I just desperately need alone time!!

I really wanted to sit outside and get some sun, but here lies the problem when you're superfat. A cheapie chaise lounge from Walmart is NOT going to hold your weight!! Those plastic patio chairs? Pretty much the same thing. We don't have the most awesome patio ever and we only have one rickety plastic lawn chair that's been outside forever. I'm pretty sure if I sat in it, I'd crush it like a bug.

But after thinking about it for a while, I decided, hey, you know what? Just because I don't have a chair doesn't mean I can't go get a little sun. So I gathered up an old bedspread, a semi-flat body pillow, my kindle, and my phone and headed outside. I was only outside for about 30 minutes, but it truly made me happy to be down on the ground like that, soaking in the sun. I read somewhere that getting 20-30 minutes of sunshine a few times a week was good for eczema/psoriasis, so I wanted to give it a try.

Oh! That brings me to something else. For the past few months, I've had this weird thing going on with my face. Under the corners of my mouth, along the sides of my nose, and between my eyebrows, I've had these persistent flakes. Doesn't really itch much or anything like that, but it's ugly and no amount of exfoliation or moisturizer was really cutting it. I mentioned it to my mom when we were out yesterday, and she said, "Oh, your cousin had that when she was little. Your aunt bought her something for it. We'll go to the drugstore."

Turns out, what she was thinking of was Cetaphil. We bought the Cetaphil Daily Facial Cleanser and the Cetaphil Restoraderm Skin Restoring Moisturizer. Holy cow, y'all. Damn if this stuff doesn't work. I washed my face and put some of the lotion on last night and this morning I woke up flake free for the first time in months!! I only needed a little bit of the lotion, too, because it's sooo creamy. Love love love. I know I'll need to give it at least a couple of weeks to see if it's really made a difference, but it's almost midnight and I only have a couple of tiny flakes on one side of my mouth, and that's a huge improvement over the past few months.

I'm yawning like crazy, so I guess it's time for bed. Maybe I can finally get myself back on schedule so I can wake up early for the gym. Here's hoping!