The Sum of It All

So I had my training session yesterday with my new trainer.  Well, okay.  I keep calling him "new" even though we've been together now for almost 2 months.  My original trainer, Seth, left our gym in early September for a new and better career.  I was lucky to have him for as long as I did, and I really hope he's doing well.

Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly, knowing how I am)  I kind of lost my motivation after Seth left.  I guess I don't deal well with change. It's not that I was working out FOR him.  It was just that we were buddies, and I enjoyed our 30 minutes together each week, and I liked showing him what I had done the during the week when he wasn't with me.  We chatted about his kids and my boyfriend and music and movies. It was fun.

After he left, I was paired up with another guy, Johnathon.  Now don't get me wrong. I like my new trainer just fine.  He's a nice guy, and I think he is a better trainer than Seth was because he's very very efficient with our time.   When we finish a workout, I know that I have worked my muscles about as hard as I possibly could without hurting myself.  But we're not really buddies yet.  And maybe we're not really supposed to be. He's hired to give me a workout once a week, which he does and does quite well.

No, my problem now is really just with myself.  I can't seem to make myself go to the gym if I don't have a scheduled session and that's terribly terribly bad.  I'm unhappy that I haven't lost much weight.  Back in the summer when I was at the gym 3-5 days a week and eating better, I wasn't losing much.  I have lost body fat.  I have gained muscle.  But the scale is hovering around the same number that it was at when I started this whole thing back in June and I don't know how to fix that.

Well, no.  I do know how.  I just don't want to do it.

And that pretty much sums up my life right now.